This morning I felt dry and crabby, no reason, just not feeling very juicy and alive. What was missing was this connection to my heart. So, I had a choice, to start roaming about trying to make things right or to sit and meditate and open up the space for balance to find me. I got the feeling that I wanted to connect with Amma, so I pulled out my chant book and was going to do the 108 names when I felt this intellectual skepticism, like, “oh, religion, the opiate of the masses”. I have tried to figure out how Gurus work, and it something really does happen beyond our rational understanding, but it can be felt. And that’s what happened this morning, I had the choice to be a skeptic and not do a devotional practice or to just dive right in. In this way, bhakti yoga, guru yoga, and love are all practices we have to attune ourselves to. Harshada Wagner says, “The mind is the cock-block to the heart”. The question becomes “wow, which do I prefer living in my mind or my heart?” HA!
I’ve been practicing these Bhakti heart practices for years and there’s still often a dialogue between my brain and my heart. But I decided to dive in and just open my heart to the Mother. I thought of Mother’s Day just passed and how Mom’s give so generously to their babies to nourish them. I felt like a Grinch for not wanting to give some love back. So that was my practice this morning, just giving love to Amma, being in that Love exchange with her, because I get that vibe from her when I hang out with her picture! It’s insane and almost stupid, an opiate for sure, but it’s the Heart and it’s just as real as any thought, maybe more real….